bloom

i am staring at the busy city through my balcony as im typing this. the sound of those cars, motorcycles, ambulance and police do not bother me anymore. i think that im all healed. being able to hear sounds that are not coming from my head is such a blessings. i am that type of a silent girl, i do not speak a lot. before this, i hear too much noise in my head that i cant even focus on the reality. that noise, that sound, that voice that telling me "you are not good enough" "you will fail in everything you do" "you have failed everyone" more or less i would say it has been gone for quite a while now. i do not expect it to come back. never i hope.

being in reality, opened my eyes on how blessed i am in this world. the world itself is not beautiful but how i see it can change it all. everyday i am counting my blessings, for all the things that Allah has provided me with. the things that i have been taking for granted all this while. im grateful for all of them.

im sorry dearself for neglecting you before. for not being able to take care of yourself. for always distrust you. im sorry.

today at this moment, i do not have a proper plan on what to write. i am just feeling so grateful and i think i have to write it out so that when i read this post in the future, i would know that at some point of my life, i have found my true self.